Snap Crackle Pop

The quickest update...

2005-03-20T18:25:59Z

- i love nashville and sunny days
- i saw keith urban in concert fri night at the ryman.... life is good
-martha anne is one of my favorite people
-i still want ben.... bad
-i love weekends and not working
-the new snoop album is awesome (#16 puts me in the best mood)
-diary of a mad black woman is my new favorite movie
-i miss jennifer!!
-brad and michelle are my favorite married couple (my age at least)
-i'll be in florida memorial day weekend!
- me and daniel: still not friends.....
-i really do need to marry rich because I don't think it's possible to break this ahopping addiction
- britney has new long brown extensions!
-new aslyn album drops march 29!! (i'm so excited)
-i'm moving into the nst apartment on april 30
-i'm the same age as my mom was when she had me and i think that's insane.... there is no way i could handle getting maried and having kids any time soon
-God is good

work

2005-03-01T16:06:06Z

It's my brithday.... I guess I'll give everyone else a present by actually updating my journal..... I'm at work right now... bored, but thats okay... after the stress of madison I can take boredom in hendersonville for awhile...

I went back to harding this weekend... whoa.... i can't explain, because I miss it so much there and yet I don't... i know, makes lots of sense...I went to the Henderson State game (which we won!) and got a kick ass new tattoo...

ok, my boss just came in... apparently we're not supposed to be using the computer here... oh well....

And 3 months later....

2004-12-02T00:13:40Z

I know I stopped... but I've been busy and life has been crazy.... so I haven't had time to update... it's probably only going to get worse seeing as how I don;t have a working computer or the internet at my new place... oh yeah, did i tell you I moved? yeah, I moved.... thing's w/rachael weren't working out (but it's all good, we're still friends) and so we moved out... i kinda got screwed over in the process, but I won't even go there right now.... anyway now I live with a guy.... and he's straight, so that's no fun.... and a girl who smokes indoors in our little apartment (so now all my clothes reek and eveybody thinks I smoke too) and has all these people over every night and keeps me up... i think morgan (the girl) is moving out in january though... and the situation is just temporary for me...

soeaking of temporary, my job...ugh.... i'm STILL at enterprise... i admit i don;t hate it every second of the day, but overall i'm miserable w/it.... I've just got to make it through the holidays there and then i'm hardcore looking for something else.... i'm thinking about substitute teaching for a bit, just for some money and so i wouldn't have to work so many hours.... we'll see...

ok, well i was going to make this update longer, but I'm tired and want to go home (i'm at the library)...

Another weekend over... kinda....

2004-09-06T04:43:46Z

ok, so i work so much lately... seriously, i hate working this much... i'm mostly miserable at enterprise... i really hate saying it, but it's true... thje hours are just too long, it's too far away, and it's not want i want to do with my life... but i'll be there for a little bit just to make some money... but i really want to find something else... i may be moving up at lane bryant soon....

so this whole hurricane frances thing... crazy, it hit my hometown hard... but amazingly, my house is pretty okay, though we don't have a fence anymore and our shed is now in our neighbor's yard... oh, and we dont know if one of the cats is ok... but my family is still safe (and stuck) in CT....

why is getting drunk so fun? i know it's bad.... but i'm not hurting anyone and it makes my head feel so good... well, not the next morning, but still... went to gateway last night (which i'd never been to before but is now one of my favorite clubs in nashville) and i was gonna be good, but 6 drinks later it looked like that didn't happen... but i was semi-responsible and dint make any embarrassing drunken phone calls to anyone..,'

ok, ben update: so yesterday i worked at lane bryant all day.... and i admit, i had gotten out of the store and walked by lenscrafters a few times to see if he was working (yeah, i'm a stalker) and he was, but it was always so busy that i couldn't go in and say hi....oh, bear in mind i havent seen/talked to him since the drunken message incident... only that rachael told me he said he thought it was funny.. ok, so i get off work and go by lenscrafters one more time, and darnit, he isn't there anymore... oh well, i got back upstairs to leave and walk by the food court, and there he is eating lunch by himself.... this sounds so so cheesy, but it's true, i think my heart actually stopped for a second... so i sit and chat with him while he finishes eating... when i like someone, i can't seem to shut up, i just keep talking, it sucks.. and ben is so gorgeous.... his eyes, ohhhhh.... and he has an amazing body.... and his funny and sweet and ambitious... ok, so seeing him then was cool, but then i had to go and be stupid.... i went back

ugh, work

2004-09-01T04:56:07Z

so i started the job w/enterprise today...i like the company and the people, just not the job.... we'll see....

man i want ben...

i miss my friends from harding :-(

Yeah!

2004-08-30T04:30:45Z

Ok, so I mostly like life right now... let me say that again, since it's not always true.... life's good... i'm sooooo broke, but life is good...

it's been an interesting weekend... friday was an all day john mayer/maroon 5 thing....i got up at the crack of dawn and went to tower records and waited in like for 4 hours to see john perform and sign autographs.... yeah, so i met john mayer... so awesome....

then it was time to run home and get ready real quick for the maroon 5 soundcheck party.... there was maybe a dozen of us there, and we got to watch them perform their soundcheck, and then we got to go to the VIP area and meet them and chill w/them for a bit... yeah, i have a picture of me with adam levine.... how hot is that???

and so then the actual concert.... sooooo amzing... it was my 2nd time seeing both of them, and i have to say i enjoyed maroon 5 more, but it was all great... and we had lawn seats, which was fun... oh yeah, and i won sting and annie lenox tickets too...

sat was cool too, just going out to eat and then drinking... yeah, i get drunk too much here... it's so fun though.... last night i wa sso drunk i broke a glass and cut my finger bad, it hurts right now... i need insurance...

and of course today was church... and work....

so the most exciting thing about this weekend, yes, even more exciting than meeting john mayer and maroon 5, is that i was reminded how alive i am, and how great it is to be alive. Nothing makes you feel quite as alive as feelings for someone new. Like, real feelings.... excitement, passion, newness.... i feel like i'm gonna be sick but it's great... ok, here's the story (since i doubt anyone involved reads this anyway): i have the hots for ben. benjamin brown.... mmmmm, what a delicious-sounding name...who's ben you ask? ohh, just the cutest guy in nashville... yes, i'm actually thinking someone's better-looking than daniel for once! crazy, i know.... ok, so back to ben.... he's also rachael's (my roommate) like best friend and she's kinda in love w/him... like, she always talks about how she;s going to marry him someday, and how he's a virgin for her, etc. etc.... and when i first met him, i was like "ok, yeah, he's way above-average looking, but whatever, he's rachael's).... i tried not to like him, i really did... but damnit, he's so sweet and sexy....i ate dinner with him and rachael last night (i love mexican food so much) and that's when i knew i had to have him... i havent been that turned on in a long time... he was so flirtatious... and i was wildly flirtatious too, he brought it out in me...ugh, i cant even explain it in here, but trust me, it was great... unfortunately, i was drunk last night and called him at 3 am and left a message telling him i wanted to make out with him.. yeah, go bethany.... so the whole thing is just kinda complicated, because as bad as i want him, racahel still has claim on him... and even though i hear from sources taht she doesnt have much of a chance w/him, i have to respect that... but i dont want to....oh, and daniel has a little crush on him... and like the dumbass that i am, i told him about me liking ben.... i'm so retarded... ok, that's about all.... i'm sure i'm way too fat for ben to even like, but i'll keep you updated...

yay, usher took his shirt off at the VMA's.. why am surprised? omg, he's such an amazing dancer...

so i got a job... yep, i'm a manager in training at enterprise rent-a-car.... 28k a year baby....hey, i'm just out of college...i'm psyched i have this job, but there's things i'm not so psyched about it, 1) LONG hours...7:30-6:00 M-F.... ugh... but they are good about giving you time off... i'll have labor day off, and i get a week off to go home for thanksgiving...2) i'm workin in madison, which is way north of nashville... i live in like the very south part of nashville.. it's gonna take me 45 min-1hour to get to work...but i'll only be at that branch for 3-6 months... but yeah, i start on tuesday... this should be interesting... i really wish i could go back to college and be irresponsible again... that was great..

everybody went back to harding this week and i'm actually kinda sad i'm not there too..

ugh, britney didnt win best female video or best pop video or video of the year... what a bunch of crap...

ok, i can hardly stay awake right now to finish watching the VMA's and this updates is already way long.... more updates to come, later...

How come?

2004-08-16T04:05:59Z

Ok, so I thought life was gonna get way better, but funny how just when you think that, it goes ad gets way worse. I've been so upset over daniel this week. I really thought I could be cool and understanding, and i want to be, but it's just not in me, it's not what i believe deep down. i guess that in the back of my mind i'm really hopeful he'll change and we'll be friends again someday.... but right now it's just too cruel and painful and sucks.... i cant do it....

alright, moving on.... so i joined a gym this week, personal trainer and all... and it's weird b/c i almost like it.... and for as much money as it costs, i sure as heck better stick to it...i'm really excited b/c I think for once i'm doing things the right way for once, and the possibility of me having a completely different body in a year is so motivating.....

sara came down for the night last night... it was really great b/c i totally needed to be cheered up by her... we have dinner and drinks w/julie and tara which was so cool to have us all reunited like at harding... i miss my girls....

not to go all patriotic, but here's what i love about the united states: i am poor, and come from a poor family, i mean we were on food stamps when i was little... but i have a degree from a private school, drive a brand new car, have a super nice cell phone, have more clothes than i can wear in a year probably, have 2 designer purses, and basically more than i really need of everything. i'm not saying all that to sound all materialistic or brag, i guess i'm just trying to say i feel blessed...

that being said, i need a better-paying job sooooooo bad... lane bryant just isn't gonna cut it for me... i have an interview tomorrow, we'll see how that goes..

alright, busy day tomorrow, time to get ready for it...

"I'm sadder but I'm wiser too..." -Kelly Clarkson

2004-08-09T08:38:02Z

So I feel a lot better than I have in a long time... things changed, and for the better... seriously... 4 years worth of burden gone... yay.... goodnight

As loyal as my options....

2004-08-06T07:10:44Z

Starting to get settled into a life here in nashville... kinda hard to do though since i don't have a "real" job yet....i had an interview w/t-mobile this week, and I'll know more about that next week... it just sucks cuz the money thing is starting to get me... i have all these bills, and unexpected stuff like $80 hubcaps keep coming up and then there's all this crap i want too... ugh...i need a sugar daddy....

so brad and michelle's wedding was this past weekend... it was soooo good to see jennifer and brad and michelle too!! i really miss my harding friends a lot, which i knew, but i realize it even more when i see them.... and the wedding was great... it was so weird and made me cry to see brad, my friend who i would always have to help w/homework and stuff, doing something so adult like getting married and being a husband... i am so happy for both of them though.... they're adorable, and i love seeing my friends that happy...

speaking of friends getting married, i hear aprile and chad are finally getting married....yay! I really miss aprile....

rachael and i painted the bathroom tonight... and by rachael and i, i mean that rachael painted most of it while i attempted to help and messed things up...i have paint all over my skin and hair, i feel gross...

so i saw the village tonight... definitely weird and not what i expected... mixed feelings about it..

am i the only one who finds it kind of disturbing and ironic that the people we love the most are also the people we can hate the most too? just wondering...

tammy got kicked off last comic standing tonight... sad day... she's so italian i love her... but gary's cool too and he's gonna win...

dude, ashlee simpson has grown on me so much lately... she makes me want to be 19 again... well, not really...

oh yeah, i freakin love that nelly & jaheim song.... it's like the perfect summer romance song... jaheim's voice is hot...mmmmmm

Much better mood...

2004-07-30T08:15:26Z

ok, i'm in a much much better mood than i was last night.... gee, i wonder why... anyway, i'm just gonna try and continue my update from last night now:

so on my way up to nashville last week i'm driving through ATL and my brakes start being weird... long story short, i had to get them fixed and it was gonna take a few days, so the dealership rented me a car... no, not a car, a truck.... and not just any truck, a brand new Ford F150 double cab.... this thing was freakin huge and i felt like such a badass driving it...i got a lot of attention from guys in it too.. hey, i'm in tennessee... actually, i;ve gotten a lot of attention from guys here period...no dates yet, though i've definitely gotten numbers and interested guys... but mostly skanky and/or older ones... ick... i really really want to start dating a bunch here, i dont care if that sounds desperate... i dont know, nothing serious, i just want to meet guys.... good guys...

anyway back to the truck...it was awesome, and it worked out perfect because i needed to go to searcy to get all that stuff at my old house...while i was there i got to sleep in my old bedroom, which was weird, and then i got to see mrs. sloan... and amber too... that was great... but man, i so do not miss searcy... how did i live there for 4 years??? i admit i got a little sad and sentimental walking into the business building, but that was only for a second and that was it....

alright, i have ANOTHER new cell phone #... are you ready? check this out.... 615-944-9499.... yeah, a little cool, a little confusing... i'm not sure if i like it or not.. but regardless, it's mine...

yeah, so life in nashville is good... still, i wish i had more friends here... granted i have way more friends in and around nashville than i would in any other city and i don't live alone or with a stranger, which is a big reason i moved here, but i don't know, i just want to be more socially active... and even though it's nice to hang out at home and watch tv, if it were up to me i would be out every night....i want more friends...guy friends :-)

anyway, it's off to bed for me now...brad and michelle's wedding is saturday...yay!

Nashvegas....

2004-07-29T07:34:04Z

time to try and get caught up on here...life's a little weird right now.... weird/good though. I'm in nashville now, moved here about a week and a half ago....and i'm really really happy here about 85% of the time, which is a lot more than in FL or searcy...

a weird thing happened though... as miserable as i was the whole 2 months in FL, I started getting really sad in the end, especially about leaving my family.... and even now, during the 15% of the time i'm unhappy i start to think "what am i doing?? i left my family to move here and work a job at the mall? to be alone half the time??" but i mean, staying in palm bay would have been stupid anyway, there's no opportunities there and i know i'm supposed to be here, even if i am sad sometimes...

ok, i do miss my family, but i just realized something... i'm kind of using that as an excuse... right now i'm crying, and i keep telling myself it's cuz i miss my family, when actually i'm upset about something else and i don't want to admit it...it;s not gonna help anything if i don't get to the root of the problem...i'm really kinda upset that things that affected me all through college still get to me... i really don't want to be like that... i want to be all adult and mature and not emotional, and while there's definite progress, i just don't have it all yet... sigh...

ok, so i have a job.... i work at lane bryant at the mall near my house, which probably would have been my dream job in high school, but it's a little humblng working part-time and making $7/hour with a business degree. but it is kinda fun. it's definitely good for my self-esteem too... i like staying busy w.a job and seeing these clothes and women everyday makes me feel better about myself.... i love clothes, and the company and a few of the people i work with.... i'm not sure what i'm gonna do w/this job.... just work until i find something better, or stay there and work my way up.... i know this isn't gonna be enough money for me, even at first, so i need to get another job.... i have an interview at the body shop (the home & beauty store, not the clothes store) on friday...we'll see..

oh yeah, so i got a new car finally, right before i left FL... after all the freakin crap i've been through.... it's a beautiful midnight blue 2005 toyota corolla... not my first choice, but i love it...

bebymarc @ 2004-07-06T03:49:00

2004-07-06T08:13:38Z

I'm still in Florida.... with a few exceptions, this summer has been beyond boring... I can't wait to move to nashville....yeah

I'm alive

2004-06-04T00:14:31Z

I'm alive, and in Florida right now... too much to catch up on right now, but I will update SOON
For now, here's my new cell phone # for those who care...321-501-9292
Yeah, funny how my old area code used to be 501, and now that's the first 3 digits of my new #... crazy...it really is the small things in life that amuse me
anyway, later....

bebymarc @ 2004-04-05T03:17:00

2004-04-05T09:03:01Z

Whoa, where did a month go?? No clue.... if the next month goes by this fast I don't know what I'll do...

Anyway, so what's been going on? Probably the usual drama and life lessons... I can actually say I'm in a place right now where I can look back at things and say "I know so much more than I knew then." It feels good.... of course, there's still so much more I need to figure out.... I really think graduation and the months immediately following will test my character.... I'm already proud of myself for some of the choices I've made about it, but scared to death as well...

Ok, so Spring Break.... what a bust.... didnt do anything cuz I didn't have a car (still don't)... thank God Jennifer was here.... we went and babysat and worked at Mrs. Sloan's a lot that week.... and shopped... despite being bored and not having the dream spring break, it was good.... I learned so much from mrs. sloan.... mainly that i do NOT want to get married or have kids any time soon....right now I just enjoy everything being about me, I think I'm too selfish to handle anything else right now..

Went to New Orleans last weekend... quite possibly even more fun that last year....I can't go into all the fun in here, but seriously, it was insane.... most of the trip was fun, but there was some not good stuff too... I learned something really really hurtful.... but whatever, it was something I needed to realize for a long time... and hot damn, I am a really fun person.

My hair is short now.... the other night I just got so sick of my split ends that I chopped it all off myself... way shorter than I wanted it to be... not dyky or anything, just short... cute, but I miss the long hair....

My nose ring finally stopped hurting and looks awesome....i went to this really famous piercer in new orleans and he fixed me up good.... I'm dreading having to change it though... maybe i'll just work at hot topic the rest of my life.... ewwww, no....

I have 80 pairs of underwear now..... i have such a weakness for cute underwear.... in fact, for someone who doesn't have sex I have way too much cute underwear.

TV Stuff: Amy better win the Apprentice... I'm not getting into American Idol like I have past seasons...and I am SO pissed that playing it straight got semi-canceled. I HAVE to know if bradley is gay or not!!!!

Spiritual Stuff: God blessed me like crazy this week... I prayed for something specific and God answered my prayer literally 2 minutes later...and just kept on blessing me... it's amazing to me how God blesses us even through our sin... On another note, I'm sad because I wish I had more spiritual people in my life... like, I'm at freakin Harding university and I couldn't find anyone to take me to church this morning... sigh... well, whatever, no matter what the people around me are like I need to be responsible for my own spiritual life... I;ve been really torn lately as to what God wants me to do for Him.... I know I'm not doing enough right now, I just wish I knew what the right thing was...

Finally getting tired.... night!

bebymarc @ 2004-03-04T23:50:00

2004-03-05T06:58:38Z

Well my birthday came and went... wow, I'm 22.... that seriously does sound kinda old... I remember in high school thinking that 22 was like way old, an adult... and now I'm 22... but sometimes I still feel like I'm in high school...

Anyway, yeah, my birthday was pretty good... tried not to have way high expectations for it like I usually do so as to prevent any disappointment.. but stiil, I got to celebrate multiple times which involved eating lots of italian and chinese food, and hanging out with my friends.... yay

Oh yeah, and it had been rainy and gross and dark and cold for days and days here... really depressing... it hadn't been nice in forever... and then I wake up on my birthday and it;s the most clear, breezy, sunny, 70 degree day... i was so happy, it was like my present from God... oh yeah, and Jesus

The one thing that really sucked about my birthday? I officially became an Arkansas resident... ugh... my Florida driver's license expired, and I'm not there to renew it, so I had to get one here.... i'm such white trash... but it's only temporary.....

So speaking of getting older....GRADUATION.... ahhhh.... 72 more days or something... I'm slowly passing the sad/freaking out stage (although i'm sure I'll revert) and making my way to the "I must be prepared!" stage.... I sat down with my advisor this wake and completely restructured my resume... soon I'm gonna start looking for actual places to send it out...whoa...

Oh yeah, so i saw The Passion of the Christ last weekend... dang, heavy stuff... awesome though, everyone needs to check it out...

Omarosa finally got fired on The Apprentice tonight... yay!! That was definitely the highlight of my day...

My back's starting to go out again.... which is really horrible... time to become best friends with the chiropractor again...

One more week til Spring Break... which, even though I have no big plans, is so exciting for me.... if I have my car back at least.... I don;t have it back yet, but when I do, you will know, I will freak out....

i;ve been kinda negative lately.... everything this semester (ok, mostly the car thing) has really gotten me down.. but I'm gonna be more positive now I decided...

bebymarc @ 2004-02-15T17:37:00

2004-02-16T00:20:15Z

So Valentine's Day finally came and went... oh yeah, and I didnt't get a single Valentine (unless you count the package from my family) AND I spent the night at my house alone.... and yet somehow I wasn't suicical or even completely bitter...I think I had just accepted it and was at peace with the fact that nobody freakin loves me... and going out and having the time of my life the night before helped a lot too...

I really am more of a loser than I originally thought I was... my computer went out last night and continued to be broken today... windows just would not load.... it was the scariest thing ever....and after restarting my computer 50+ times it still wasn't loading... and no joke, the one time I restarted it right after I said a prayer for God to make my computer work, it magically loads... I know people think I'm full of crap, but seriously, God is awesome... but anyway, back to my being a loser... for about the 14 hours my computer was out I was going crazy... because seriously, without a car AND a computer...what do I do?? sigh...

So yeah, I miss my car more and more everyday... I try and have a positive attitude, thinking that every day is one day close to me having it back... but it's still frustrating

I went to Maurice's (the sole cute clothing store in Searcy) today with Tara, and wow, I forgot how much I love clothes and shopping... cuz I haven't done that since Christmas...ok, maybe that doesn't sound like that long, but trust me, it is... I think when I get my car back I'm gonna get a job, or at least start giving plasma again, so I can have extra spending $$$... I also can't wait to have a real job... I know, I'll have bills, but still, I think I'll have more money than I do now...

Speaking of a real job, it's getting to be time to start hardcore looking for one...I really wish I had the opportunity to travel abraod first, or at least take a summer off, but no, my parents want me to have a job lined up before I graduate... that's a heck of a lot of pressure, since it doesn't work that way from most people I've talked to...I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do and where I want to do it...I think I may want to go into sales... my sales class makes me think that I can do it.... and you don;t have to sit at a desk all day, you get to travel and meet people and go places... that sounds so much better... as for where, more and more I feel like I may want to move back to FL....first, I really don't do well in cold or rainy weather... which eliminates most of the country...I like when it's 80 degrees in December...I hate sweaters and closed-toe shoes...blame it on my upbringing and my parents taking me to the beach at least once a week, usually more, between the ages of 4 and 10....
Also, I want to be closer to my family... Even though I'm very independent, I went to college 1000 miles away without a second thought...but as I get older, and so does my family, I don't know, it just gets me thinking... my dad's been having health problems lately and angelee is growing up so fast...I don't want to live in Palm Bay, no way... or even anywhere neat there... but I'd like to be close enough where I could drive home in a few hours if I had to... I also need to be in a big city though, preferably on the coast... I was thinking Tampa... we'll see...

Something that's been bothering me lately is how much I like that stupid song by the darkness... I hate the video, I can't listen to it when the video is on... but I really like listening to it on the computer... what's wrong with me??

My house is messy and I really want to clean it... and I REALLY want some hamburger helper...

Oh yeah, and I really really like Kanye West... a lot... he's gonna be bigger than Fitty... just you wait

bebymarc @ 2004-02-04T08:47:00

2004-02-04T14:45:18Z

Why am I up this early?? Oh yeah, because I don't have a car and I have to bum rides to campus whenever I can... Trying to kill 40 minutes til chapel now...

So the diet is going really not good.. I was doing so well for awhile too... but I'm hopping back on tomorrow (today's already been ruined by this darn chicken biscuit...

I seriously NEED to start losing weight because as I;ve said many times before, dangit, I would be so cute if I did (nevermind my health). I've done a few things lately to improve my appearance. Tanning regularly is really good, and not just cuz it makes my skin darker... it's just good for my soul... I know this sounds shallow, but I really am a happier person when I tan... sigh.... the other day I was thinking though, as I tanned, got my eyebrows waxed, naired my nether regions, clipped my toenails, dyed my hair (no more blond highlights! back to darkness...), etc, "why does is the process of getting beauriful so ugly?" Yes, deep thoughts for you this morning...

So speaking of changing my look, I did something crazy yesterday... It was February 3rd, so of course I had to get something pierced.... and this year that "something" was my nose... yes, I know, I pierced my nose myself this summer, but let's fact it, it was ugly and in the wrong place... now it's cute... I really like it, I think it's hot.... Daniel got his eyebrow pierced, which I must admit is one of the sexiest things I've ever seen....

The reality of graduation really started to sink inwith me yesterday...I know it's soon, but it still doesnt seem possible... but I was thinking about a year from now, on our Tongueversary, that instead of being crazy and celebrating together, I would be sitting at my desk at my job and open an email from daniel that would say "happy tongueversary" or something, and that would be it... it made me sad.... I don't wanna grow up! People still have fun after graduation, right?? Sigh....

There's a sign up on the bulletin board here accross from the student center that says "Jesus Christ is the Savior of prostitutes, drunkards, rapists and gays." I love it. Even though its exactly the message that we should be preaching (and that the Bible preaches), I wonder how long is will take my judgemental school to tear it down.

So about this Janet Jackson boob thing... I'm not just saying this because I'm an ardent pop star defender, but seriously, get over... it's all anybody talks about and I'm sick of it... there are so many more important issues in the world today, yet people insist on obsessing over this one little thing. I don't care if it was intentional or not, people are making it worse by making it such a huge deal. And I'm sick of people thinking I'm a bad Christian because I wasn't deeply offended by it, or because I have piercings or because I'm open about sex (even though I'm not having it). I like the way I am... and Jesus loves me, so there....

Ok, enough ranting from me for now.... you're dismissed..

bebymarc @ 2004-01-15T23:47:00

2004-01-16T06:23:44Z

Today was actually quite fabulous for the most part....it was really good to get back to classes and see people.... I felt very much in my element.... it's gonna be a good semester...

I saw commercials for the Passion of Christ today and it made me cry...

Nevermindm I'm tired

bebymarc @ 2004-01-15T00:22:00

2004-01-15T06:38:08Z

So I chickened out... temporarily at least.... it was really a combination of chickening out and lack of opportunity... sigh.... I'm all anxious, I just want to get this over with....

But anyway... my first day back on campus....it was actually alright... things went well, and I chilled in the SC seeing people all day... tomorrow is my first real day of classes, and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to it....

I can't believe this is my last semester.

Not having my car hear is getting really old... but thankfully my friends thus far have gotten me everywhere I need to go... but I still feel like I'm missing out...

I worked out today for the first time in a long time... dang, I didn't realize just how out-of-shape I am...it sucks... but I'm gonna stick with it...

Did you guys know that Sara Lee's slogan is actually "Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee"?? All these years I thought it was "Nobody does it like Sara Lee."

I'm "wildly inappropriate."

And God is good.

To whom it may concern....

2004-01-14T07:25:00Z

In case any of you have ever asked yourself "Hmmm.... I wonder how many pairs of underwear Bethany owns?" the answer is 72.
Seriously.
72 pairs of underwear.
I know.

I HATE rats... omg, HATE THEM!!! more on that another time...

I'm sooo dreading tomorrow... well, no, not entirely... I have to do something tomorrow that will probably be the most uncomfortable thing ever..like, really bad... probably the most nerve-wracking thing I've done or will ever do at college.... but afterwards, hopefully, life will be better... I'll let you know...

Oh yeah, and I'm back in Searcy now and start classes tomorrow... yeah....

???????

2004-01-08T11:09:56Z

Ummm.... I can't sleep.... and yesterday was a good day

Happy New Year

2004-01-06T14:14:40Z

So living at home is hell....literally. I know it's January, but it's also Florida, and it gets so hot here and my parents are unnaturally conservative with the air conditioning use, and it feels like down under in here (and not the pretty australia down under).. it's seriously affecting my sleep.. everybody knows you need a comfortable body temperature to fall asleep... and it's bad enough I don't have a bedroom here anymore, they have to stick me in the hottest room in the house...
Ok, now that I’ve gotten my complaining out of the way for the day…

I’m up early cuz I had to drive angelee to school today…soooo tired…. Might as well stay up and get stuff done though (like updating this journal!)

So Christmas was alright… I finally got the flu, and I was really sick most of the day… as for presents, I feel bad, b/c I returned most of what I got…which I think is almost better than getting good presents the first time around cause then you get to do all this shopping after xmas, especially with all the after-christmas sales

New year’s eve was alright too… didn’t do anything too crazy, hung out with Billy all night, making the rounds at downtown and autumn’s house and then finally crashing at his mom’s place… it was fun though

So Britney got married…sigh…. Love her as I do, it’s getting harder to defend her when she keeps doing stupid things… but whatever, we all do dumb things when we’re young….. I kinda feel bad for her, cuz when I do something stupid a handful of my friends know about it, (or half of school, worst case scenario), but when she does something stupid EVERYBODY knows about it…

Ok, here’s the part of the journal where I get all vague and dumb and no one knows what I’m talking about…the other night I was talking to a friend and they told me something that normally would upset me to no end…. Usually, upon hearing something like this I would cry and start hating myself and I would stay upset over it for quite awhile… but I don’t know, something’s different… it didn’t bother me nearly as much… I mean, yeah, it bothered me in a little way, but I was more concerned for the other person than my own reaction, and I didn’t cry or even get depressed… I was just like “hmmm…whatever”…. I know this sounds like nothing, but it is a MAJOR breakthrough in Bethany terms.. really really huge…. Dare I say I’m growing up and getting over things? I’m ‘fraid so….

In further personal emotional progress news, the other day Billy and I were talking and, Billy, psychology major that he is, told me how when I always blame myself for things that aren’t my fault I’m taking effort and attention away from the real cause of the problem, and therefore not helping things…. All of the sudden something clicked, and this thing that I’ve been blaming on myself for years, that no matter how hard I pray and try to give it to God just still looms over me, it just disappeared, and this huge emotional weight was lifted off me.. Gosh, it feels so good….

And now something I’ll be more specific about… Shannon IMed me on New years’…. This made my day, since we used to be so close, but b/c of all the crap that’s gone down this semester, we haven’t really talked since October… and even though I don’t like to admit it, I’ve really really missed her (and kassie a little too, but she’s done a lot more damage and has proved to be unforgiving and stubborn).. but anyway, since it is going to be my last semester at Harding I really hope that things will be different and everybody can get along….

That brings me to me next thought,… going back to Harding…. I honestly can’t wait, since living at home over break has been difficult… and I miss my house and stuff… but like I said, it’s my last semester, and I know that once I graduate I’m gonna miss my life there so much…. And I’m just so scared of the semester going fast and me taking things and people for granted… but at the same time I can’t wait to graduate and I know there’s good things in store for me after harding….

I think I’m addicted to shopping….even though I’m smart and shop sales and don’t spend a lot of money, it seems like everyday I want to go buy something (fyi, bath & body works is having an incredible sale right now)….and if it’s a good buy I I’ll get way more than I need… I mean, how long is it gonna take me to go through 10 bars of glycerin soap?? Sigh….

Oh, and my car… not good things right now…. It’s taking longer than expected to get it fixed, if it can be fixed at all… last night my parents started talking about getting me a crap car for this semester, since I live off campus and have to have a car…. I should (and will) be grateful for any transportation I get, but sigh, I can’t help it, I love and miss MY car…. I know it will all work out, I’m just troubled by things right now…

Anyway, it’s definitely time for a nap now…so much for getting stuff done :-)..

Wiggity Wiggity Whack

2003-12-22T08:05:31Z

Yeah, back in Florida again.... I;ve been here like 32 hours and already I'm really, really bored...I wish there was more people I liked here that I wanted to hang out with... but there's so few people from high school I really wish to keep in contact with. Most people have moved away or settled down by now, leaving me with not many social options when I'm home... and since I'm only here for occassional, short periods of time it's not worth it at all to go and meet new people here... oh well... spending lots of time with my family and sisters... but i miss harding and nashville people already :-(

Last week was one of the most emotionally draining ever...and that's not just me being overdramatic... it was finals week (although, I can't really blame much on that... it was honestly the least stressful finals week of my life)....i got in fights with people, had my feelings majorly hurt, and the worst thing of all: my car died! The contour that I just got this summer... i freakin loved that car... and the engine is gone... which costs almost as much as the entire car is worth... I was SO SO depressed when I first found out...it was kinda pathetic actually, I cried way too much... and I really can't believe I'm saying this, but this whole thing has actually been really good for me.... I got a lot of support from some o my friends, which made me feel really good... especially my roommate amber, she's so awesome... and the situation just taught me to rely on God more and trust Him... my life was going pretty well and gettin kinda easy for awhile, and I needed a trial, so God gave me one. I take my things for granted, and I can be really shallow and materialistic, and this has helped me get over that....

That being said, ohmigosh, not having a car sucks... I was so bored during my last week in Searcy.... it's especially hard cuz I live off campus...
Hopefully my car will get fixed... my dad's in the process of having it transported back to FL right now to try and fix it.... I really hope it can be, I don't want a new car, I like the one I have..

I really miss being a litle kid and getting super-excited over Christmas... it just doesnt do it for me anymore... isnt that sad? It's 3 days til Christmas and I'm just like "bah"... maybe it has something to do with the fact that I spent 3 hours today in Wal-mart with poor white trash Christmas shoppers..... my blood pressure is infinitely higher because of the experience..

This new refirgerator with the automatic ice maker is scary... it's all quiet in the house and everybody is sleeping, and all of the sudden you hear this avalanche from the kitchen and you freak out, but it's just the ice maker...

I was talking to my friend martha anne the other day (I am so grateful to her and aaron for driving me to nashville on friday.... we got a flat tire on 40.... what a fun trip that was... good times...) and she was telling me about her aunt or something who didnt get married until she was 37...now, I am all about staying a virgin until I'm married... but dang! 15 more years!?! I dont think so, that's just not possible for me to stay a virgin for that much longer...(oh no, I can feel a self-pity rant coming on)... it sucks being single this long... two of my closest friends have gotten engaged in the past week... and while i'm extremely happy for them, i cant help but feel like i'm be reminded of what a (lonely) loser I am... ok, I really dont feel like that (well, not all the time at least), but seriously, what is wrong with me? Sometimes I see couples I know and I thank God that I don;t have to deal with all the drama that comes with a relationship (i have plenty of drama without a relationship) and that I don;t have to answer to or worry about anyone but myself...and i've taken all those dumb emode and cosmopolitan and even eharmony tests and they all say I'm reluctant to commit to anything so I avoid relationships... what the heck? I don't think that's true, do you?

Ok, well anyway... I need to focus on good things real quick.. despite feeling old, I am actually only 21-years-old, which is relatively young... I have the potential to be cute if i'd tan enough and lost a million pounds... and I have the most exciting year of my life ahead of me... I graduate, and who knows where I'll be living in 6 months... kinda scary, but so exciting too... oh yeah, and there's a britney spears concert coming up in march... that makes life a whole lot better too....Ultimately I've just gotta be patient and learn to trust God's wisdom and timing over my own...

Ya know, when I type stuff in hear about my faith (like trusting God's plan or whatever) it sounds so trite and like I only believe in God to make myself feel better about things...just so you know, it's not like that... typing in here can hardly come close to expressing my heart when it comes to my God, or anything else for that matter..

I should get to bed now, it's late and I have to get up early for.... oh wait, no I don't... that's right, I have absolutely nothing to do tomorrow!! sigh... at least I get to sleep in!

bebymarc @ 2003-11-29T22:32:00

2003-11-30T04:36:32Z

so thanksgiving break is already over.....

I went to FL...it was mostly good, if not boring at times...I was so stressed out with all my schoolwork that was due before I left (Marketing Research..... ugh.....) though now I'm realizing how much I left for me to do now :-(.....ok, whatever, anyway....

So yeah, FL was alright.. spent a lot of time with my family and cousins... and as always living at home again with my parents and sisters is challenging...I'm just so used to my own place and own car and not having to get permission for every move I make, and getting being able to clean things up on my own time...so it was a little stressful, but I survived....if I go home for Christmas, Billy will be there and I can go stay with him some, and hopefully I'll have my car too, which would much improve things...

Besides hanging out with family and relatives, I caught up on a lot of sleep I'd been missing (though I don't feel like it right now) and was kinda bored around the house (since I didn't have a car to leave when everyone else went to school/work).. I also got to see aprile, which made me happy since I hardly ever get to see her (hi aprile!) I also got to see david, and it's always fun spending hours at steak n shake talking about nothing...

I flew back this morning, and I am way tired from not sleeping at all last night, and I have a ton to do before back to school on Monday... and even more to do before xmas break.... ugh....it was probably best that I didn't sleep though, because I was so exhausted on my flights, and I realized that since I was so tired I didnt have the strength to focus on beingt scared of flying, so that helped calm my nerves...

So yeah, it;s great being back in Searcy and having my own space and being back in my house... and i hate to admit it, but even the town looks great, berryhill and downtown all decorated for xmas and stuff..

ok, time for snl and justin timberlake.... mmmmmm

bebymarc @ 2003-11-16T22:39:00

2003-11-17T04:41:42Z

Ok, seriously... update time.... I don't know why I got out of the habit of writing in here...It's not like I spend my time actually doing homework....j/k... actually, I have so much work to do for school the weeks it's scary.. so yeah, I'm gonna put it off a little longer by writing in here :-)

Ummmm... where do I begin? Life is okay right now...It would be really great if I could stop worrying about the few negative things going on in my life...there's been quite a bit of negativity going on this semester... some my fault, a lot not....no matter how much crap happens, it still amazes me how hurtful and petty people can be...most of all I just regret the way I let people make me feel... I've let others make me feel like I'm not good enough and unloved and just a sucky person in general... and that's so not true, and there's plenty of people who love me and tell me I'm great, but it's so easy to focus on those who criticize me and do thoughtless things... but anyway, I'm trying to get over that :-)

Oh man, so a few weeks ago I didn;t walk for a week... my sciatic nerve went out (and, after xrays, discovered I have a messed up spine)... ohmigosh, it sucked so bad....all I did way lay in bed all day and sleep and go to the chiropractor....I was in constant pain...even sitting was unbearable... so, as a result of being really inactive for a long period of time, I gained some weight.... yuck....really not happy about that.... I'm better now, but still not back to normal and I can't wait to be active again....

Alright, so some good stuff....I've been to Nashville twice this semester so far... wow, I miss it lots....I hate Arkansas... the weather here lately has been miserable and really puts me in a not good mood... I also miss FL... haven't been since july (and even that was only for a few days)... so it will be good to go home and see my family and relatives and experience awesome Palm Bay weather (seriously, look up the weather for the 32909 zip code... it;s always great...the best place ever... ok, maybe not, but close).. I'm just kinda dreading all the questions I'm gonna get asked by everybody..."Do you have a boyfriend?" (I can only use the "A boyfriend? Please, I have several." line so many times...) and "What are you doing after you graduate?"... seriously, I freak out about these things enough myself!! Ugh.... dreading it!! I'm also afraid I'll get bored while I'm home... Billy won't be there, and I don;t know where I stand with Aprile, havent gotten to talk to her in awhile...there's a couple other people I want to see in PB, but not many... oh well, Xmas break isn't too far away...

So I've been going to a lot of concerts lately... last weekend (a week ago right now!) was Rascal Flatts... holy crap, SO AWESOME... omg... we were in the front row and no joke, had the best seats in the entire place.... and joe don is so hot!!! Chris Cagle was really good too...the whole time I was thinking "hmmm, maybe i DO want a southern boy..." And it was great spending time with martha anne... i hardly get to anymore, and she;s great... it was so good to see her having a good time too...

And last night I went to John Mayer.... wow.... he;s so amazing! Once again, we had incredible seats (11th row, floor)... and I just enjoy his music so much... it always calms me and makes me happy and feel good... and he's just a cool guy anyway...and I went with Tara and Chris and we had lots of fun.... Chris came from Nashville to visit and he's really great...I always have such a good time and laugh a lot when he's around....sigh, yet another reason I miss nashville!!

My housemate Melinda moved out at the end of October, and my new housemate Amber just moved in yesterday. I was really relieved that she moved in (and that Chris was here) because it's been really hard for me to sleep the past couple weeks in this big, old house by myself. And Amber seems really great...not that Melinda wasn't, I just think me and Amber are a little more alike, so I'm psyched she's living here... and her boyfriend is awesome... he's already fixed stuff around the house and it's only been one day...

For the most part, I'm really enjoying living off campus this year (and I'm very grateful my parents for making it possible!).. I don't think I would be happy living on campus with all the rules and dumb dorm moms and stuff... sometimes I feel a little isolated, but mostly not... it;s great living in a house, it feels more like home... and having plenty of space and decorating and doing whatever I want...and I really love my house when it's clean (like right now)... it's awesome!

Ok, so here's where I sound shallow and vain, but whatever...
Britney's new album comes out tuesday... I am psyched to say the least! I already have it all downloaded, and it's incredible... Britney rules!!
I got my hair done fri.... I don't think I'm happy with it... too many red streaks.... we'll see if it stays...
Oh, and the biggest news of all... I FINALLY got a Louis Vuitton bag! I am one happy girl....No one here understands, but whatever, I love it!

Spiritually, hmmm.... how am I doing? I definitely haven't been going to church as much as I should, but I'm not drifting away or anything....things need to be better, but I still love God. :-)

Wow, Limp Bizkit really sucks now...

Ohmigosh, I had the absolute best dream ever (well, tied for best) when I napped today...it;s so cruel, having an amazing dream and then waking up and realizing none of that really happened...

Ok, I think that's all for now.... I've put off my homework long enough....